my heart big but it beat quiet

This past weekend was one of the most fun I've EVER had. Maybe because it started on Wednesday and ended Sunday afternoon... Or maybe it was because I was rewarded for slaving away in the library for days with a very satisfying grade on my phonetics midterm... Or maybe it was because I saw Chris Brown in LA at the Staples Center with the best roommates anyone could ever ask for.
iPhone camera blows and I attempted to hide this with Instagram effects. Kind of worked. This was taken during the finale "Beautiful People" in which Chris Brown FLEW THROUGH THE AIR in a white tuxedo.

K, so like I really like Chris Brown. He's great. F.A.M.E. rules. But I wasn't planning on going to the tour at all. Can I just say it was worth every penny and more? My friend put it perfectly when he said he could have been blind or deaf and would have thoroughly enjoyed the concert. So. True. I know most of the songs, but can only sing along to the most popular ones, but I was in awe the entire time. Not only is his singing perfect (you could say I was almost in tears during "No Air") but his dancing made me want to be a better person/kill myself. It was flawless, seamless, effortless, perfection.
Kylie and me pre-Chris.

Oh, please ask me what my dress says and how much I paid for it.

And unrelated, but I am obsessed with Youth Lagoon's The Year of Hibernation. They're from Idaho. Who would've thought anything notable could ever come from there?

all i want is a horizon line

I am wildly dramatic on this blog. I'm kind of embarrassed about it. Like, I blog really intensely personal feelings that I'm having but mask them in a semi-cryptic way, but not cryptic enough that you can't tell exactly what happened in my life and then I forget that I blogged about said feelings and then someone in real life that you haven't spoken to in a while says something like, "Oh didn't this just happen in your life? Yeah I read it on your blog." Right. Of course you did. I've contemplated deleting my dramatic entries, but then I think about it like a journal. Would I tear out a page of my journal that looking back on, makes me feel embarrassed or uncomfortable? No, because then I would probably have a page left.

man is nothing

Conference weekend could not have come at a more perfect time. This past week was terrible. I've been sick with a cold, had 3 exams and was feeling sorry for myself again, but although I still have the sniffles, I feel re-energized, calm and renewed.

On Saturday I had the opportunity to attend the afternoon session with all of my best friends :) I really love this picture, even though we are all looking different directions. Don't I have the most beautiful friends? I love them with all my heart.

Saturday was also Kaile's 21st birthday. My very first memory of Kaile was at EFY in Buena Vista, VA. I remember seeing her and thinking she was one of the prettiest girls I've ever encountered. I still think this. I adore Kaile Knell. It sounds cheesy, but I feel like I've watched Kaile grow since I met her in high school to now, into this beautiful and kind woman that genuinely cares about everyone around her. Kaile is an amazing listener and does her best to offer advice and a positive perspective. Kaile is also hilarious and I laugh a lot when I'm with her. We are both tiny humans, revel in the fact that moms and the elderly are our biggest fans and share an affinity for Asian babies and babies in general. I can't wait until Kaile and I are both moms and can obsess over each other's children. Happy birthday Kaile! I love you.

Today, Jenny and I tried to watch the morning session, but didn't get tickets so we ended up watching it in the tabernacle. Somehow, we both managed to get tickets for the afternoon session. What a fiasco. But so worth it. I got to sit closer than I ever have and just bask in the wonder that is General Conference. By the way, the picture below was taken yesterday. And I look SUPER azn. I think I was giggling at something.

My favorite talk this General Conference was by Elder Uchtdorf and what I entitled this post. Elder Uchtdorf is an amazing storyteller and has a fantastic sense of humor. I always look forward to his remarks and I've grown to love him even more after his "Forget Me Not" talk at the Relief Society broadcast. I am paraphrasing from my notes, so some of these quotes might be a little off, but these were my favorite parts:

Compared to God man is nothing, yet to God we are everything: Wow. We are nothing. Man is nothing without God and we owe everything to him. And yet, despite our shortcomings, we mean the world to God. And not just a select group of us. Each and every single soul that is living, gone and yet to be born. I think about how much my parents love me and I don't think I even grasp that concept fully. The thought of God having that much love for every human being in the world is incomprehensible. I can't fathom any one being having the capacity to love that much, but He does.

The Lord doesn't care if you're working in marble halls or stable stalls: Great rhyming and beautiful concept. Our Lord is no respecter of persons.

The Lord uses a very different scale than the world to measure the worth of a soul: This might be my favorite quote after the first one I shared. It is so hard to be a young adult in the world we live in today. I don't think a day goes by where I don't compare myself to someone else. That's a very sad thing, but it's the truth and I don't think I'm the only one that does it. Can you imagine if the Lord measured our worth the way the world did? But he doesn't, because he is perfect and loves each and every one of us with a perfect love and measures our worth by the things that truly matter in this life.

I felt so good about myself after hearing this talk. I felt loved and important. I feel and know that I matter in this world and despite my inadequacy and all the times I've felt small or insignificant, the master of the universe and mankind knows me and loves me and wants what's best for me. And He feels the exact same way about you, and every living soul.

Sorry this was so long. I still have so many favorite moments/quotes/talks to share so I'm going to try and include one in every post or try and focus on a talk each time I post.

I love this gospel. It is perfect. It is true. I am thankful for the inspired leaders of the church and the wisdom of our prophet and his counselors. Prayers were answered this weekend. I am so happy and so blessed.

Listen/watch this October's conference HERE